Boxed In
by qsmadness007
Summary: A story set during "Hurricane" from Doug's POV
1. Default Chapter

Boxed In  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.  
A/N: This is set during Hurricane, after Doug has parted ways with Tamara and Pacey. Told from Doug's POV

I sit at the end of the dock thinking. It was said once to me that thinking is Capeside's favourite pastime, which is actually kind of sad considering all the things we could be doing. We waste most of our lives here wishing we were somewhere else. If I had it my way, I would be in the FBI, or in New York doing something, but I am stuck here. I guess part of it is my own fault. I wanted to make my dad happy, so I didn't get my bachelor's degree like I could have, which disqualifies me for the FBI. I guess it is my own fault. Pipe dreams, that what they are, no one can have their dreams come true, except maybe people like Pacey, who is somehow going to skate through life doing what ever the hell he pleases.

I feel angry at myself though, I shouldn't have drawn my gun on him. It wasn't fair. I always told myself that even though I was doing what Dad told me, too, trying to be the good son, and do what was expected for the good of the family, that I would never let myself have Dad's anger. I guess I was wrong. He was just being a kid, I think he has a crush on his teacher, thinks he has dibs on her or something. Poor kid. Well at least, because of what he told Tamara I might not have a chance with her, so at least my luck is as good as mine right now. It wasn't as if she wasn't seeing anyone anyway, he should have seen that one.

I hear footsteps behind me, but keep staring at the blue water in front of me. Someone sits down besides me. "So, how is it going?" My dad keeps his eyes trained on the water, intensely. I wonder if he has been drinking again.

I shrug, "Did you want something?" I make sure my voice doesn't sound disrespectful. I am not sure what he is going to say. His reaction varies.

"Thought you were going to join us for dinner, since your shift is over, and there are no more English teachers for you to protect." He chuckles. He is mocking me. I wish I hadn't told him when I had gotten back to the station to finish my shift.

"I haven't decided yet." I turn to him what is he getting at.

"What are you thinking about, the last hurricane, when you were 8?" He notices me watching him, and gives me one of his famous smiles. The ones that irritate me, the ones, like he is holding a secret, and he has to taunt you with it.

"I try not to think about what happened when I was 8, or before that." Anger slips in my voice, as I turn my gaze back to the water. "Its better that way."

"I said I was sorry about that…." He pauses, as if my words have actually hurt him.

"I don't want to hear the AA speech again. I am just glad you decided not to use me as your punching bag anymore." My eyes turn into slits. I hate talking about this, it is like the dirty family secret. It also reminds me of my dad's cruelty. I wonder sometimes if that is where Pacey picked it up, but I am the same way. The Witter men are known for lashing out at people, except since I was 8 my dad has only done it verbally, to the family that is, he takes a lot of anger out sometimes on the people we arrest.

"Why are you still angry about it? I said I was sorry. I haven't hit you since. I mean I was a little rough with you before that, but you know I have barely laid a hand on you since. Mainly, because you are a good kid, I am proud of you, following in the old man's footsteps."

I sigh deeply, my face forming a deep frown. "I am not mad at you. I pulled a gun on Pacey today."

"Again?" He doesn't seem surprised. "Not like he didn't deserve it. I will have a talk with him again about calling you that. It is okay to taunt someone if things are true, but that isn't true…is it?"

I look at him in shock. "No!" Maybe it is partially true. I have always for some reason felt that everyone had bisexual inclinations, but I can't tell him that. I can't risk stepping out of the box he has me in with him. I don't know what I would do if he decided to out cast me like he has Pacey at time, to give them some un-true label. I unfortunately, pretend at times that it is true; mainly because that is the box I am supposed to be in. Sometimes though, I want to tell Pacey to keep what he is doing. I envy him sometimes, because even though he may be the town joke at times, I feel at least because of that he is going to try to leave this town as soon as possible, and I am not sure I will ever get that chance. It is sad that at 24, I see more potential in my 16 year old brother, than I do at times in myself. I think that is one of the reasons I am mean to him, because I am jealous of him, but I wouldn't ever tell him that.

"Good! I will see you at dinner in 15 minutes." He gets up and leaves.

I should just get up and go to my apartment, and fix myself dinner, and not go over to the house. But I know in 10 minutes, I will get up and head over to the house. Maybe one day I will have the courage to break free. Unfortunately, I know it is not going to be today, because there is no benefit right now for me to break out of this town, all my possibilities are in this town.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

I stand up very slowly. My eyes still locked on the water, remembering when I was eight, and the last hurricane. I didn't know much then. I had always been fascinated by the storms, and I wanted to go play in the hurricane as soon as I knew we were on hurricane alert, which was the day before it hit.

_---_

_Mrs. Adams had walked in front of our classroom calm and slowly in her robot like manner. "Children, we are under hurricane advisement, so there may not be in school tomorrow as if the hurricane hits you may need to stay inside."_

_I jumped out of my chair excitedly. "Yes." I couldn't believe it. It seemed like one of the happiest things ever. A hurricane, a real live hurricane. We usually didn't get them to come this far up the coast._

"_Douglas, do I need to tell your father you are misbehaving again?" She arches her eyebrow in my direction, as the other kids laugh._

_I drop to my seat instantly. I was embarrassed that the kids were laughing at me, but I was frightened if she told my father. If one kid was considered the geek of the high school, I was it, minus the glasses, and the fact that the kids all knew my dad was the sheriff made me even more of a target. _

_---_

I blink hard, trying not to be reminded of that time. It's weird looking back on those days, and realizes I use to do spontaneous things all the time, and I didn't care what they thought. I wasn't afraid to be who I was. I am locked in this image now of the perfect son, the one who doesn't goof up, and the person who does everything that he is told. The reason now that a lot of people think I am boring, they think all I stand for is honor, and duty, and serving this town. Before I was 8, I was happy being the geek. And even though a lot of the kids thought I was weird or a geek, I acted as if they were my friends. That everyone was my friend. And when you are 8 and don't know better, everyone is your friend. And I wasn't ever excluded from anything. It wasn't till the last beating that I got jaded, that I became suspicious of people, and began to draw away from people, where by the time I graduated high school, I was lucky I still had any friends.

---

_I had come home from school, excited. I had almost skipped home, I had restrained myself though. I had been yelled about it last time. I didn't moderate my behavior fully, at that point, but I was beginning to realize certain things were not tolerated, and there was no need to do them if they were going to get me yelled at or punished._

_I get into the yard, where my 5 year sister Gretchen, her hair in pigtails, and my 7 year old sister Kerry were waiting for me. I was supposed to walk them home every day, but Kerry hated me, something which I never quite figured out, besides the fact that Kerry has always just been a little weird. So, since Kerry decided to walk home Gretchen, we would have to meet in the front yard, and walk in the house together, since though Kerry hated me, she didn't want me to be punished by dad. Because if I got punished by dad, then he wouldn't give me my allowance for awhile, and then, she wouldn't be able to con me into buying her candy, or letting her read my comic books._

_Gretchen runs up to me, and gives me a hug, her pigtails trailing behind her back. She was a cute little kid, and I use to tease her she would grow up to be a heartbreaker, which wasn't quite so funny when years later it was true. "D, D, Guess what I learned in school today?" _

"_What?" I say, picking her up, and putting her on my shoulders as we make our way into the house. Kerry is walking a little bit in front of us like she always does._

"_I learned to count to ten." She chirps happily._

"_Awesome, backwards hi five, G." She gives me a high five. "I want to hear it after supper."_

"_I have to show it to mom and dad first." She says. _

"_I know." I say, and turn to face and stick my tongue out at her._

_We get to the front door, and Kerry is holding it open for us. "Come on." She acts as if she has holding it for eternity when it fact it has been a few seconds. We walk into the house together, and I set Gretchen down._

"_DOUGLAS!" My dad is standing in the living room, by his favorite chair. He does not look happy. I wonder what I had done this time._


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

_My mom is standing in the kitchen watching us, not saying anything. She looks scared. She was 7 months pregnant with my third sister Nora, and she also looked exhausted._

"_So, one of the deputies told me they saw Kerry and Gretchen walking by themselves, home from school." He is glaring at me. _

_Kerry runs out of the room, and Gretchen slinks towards Mom to hide near her. Mom wraps her arm around Gretchen's small shoulders. We all know what is probably going to be coming. I don't even have to guess as I see him take off his belt._

"_IS THAT TRUE? DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO PROTECT YOUR SISTERS?" He is coming towards me. _

_I swallow a lump in my throat. "Yes..." I stammer, looking down at the floor. _

"_Maybe instead of punishing you, I should punish your sisters, and maybe that will teach you TO DO WHAT I SAY!" He says, beginning to walk towards them._

_On instinct, I jump in front of mom, and Gretchen. "No, it's my fault. I'm sorry." He grabs me, picking me up easily, and throwing me over his shoulder fireman style. I see tears forming in Gretchen's eyes, as my father cart me out the door into the yard. I don't even struggle to get down, because though he carries me in one hand, he carries the belt still in the other, and if I escape it is just going to be worse._

_He slams me into the giant oak, as we get outside. My back is beginning to ache from the impact of the tree, but I get to my feet quickly. I am not sure what he wants from me. Before I can find out he punches me hard in the face. I feel blood seeping from my nose, and my lip. I swallow some of the blood, feeling this fear grow in the pit of my stomach._

"_What is wrong with you, you stupid boy, you are not supposed to bring disgrace to the family? What if something had happened to your sisters? It would be your fault!" He slams me in the stomach with his fist, and I double over, as I feel the wind escape me._

_My reaction causes him to grab my neck, and shove me against the tree again, as he chokes me. _

"_Stop it John, please!" I hear my mom call, as she runs out of the house._

"_Stay out of this woman!" To counter her running out of the house, he throws me hard against the birdbath. I feel it break beneath me, and feel new flows of blood on my body. I try to get up, but gravity decides to not let me, and I fall back, hearing a loud crack._

_He walks towards her as if he is going to hit her, and I pull every ounce of strength I have and jump onto his back. "This is our feud, don't bring her into this." I say, tearing the words from my mouth, as pain racks through my body. _

"_Get back inside, woman!" He calls, as he moves backwards slamming me into the tree again. My weak grip fails, and I slide to the ground. I close my eyes, and the world slips away._

_---_

I woke up in the ICU. It was scary there, because now I was sure I was going to be in bigger trouble than I was before. I found out later, that he had told them that I decided I was going to fly, and had jumped off the roof on my bike. They believed him for some reason. I had watched Hurricane Kevin from my window. It hadn't been as exciting as I thought it would. I think that was one of the first times, I wanted an out to life though.

I had six broken ribs, and a broken leg, and was in a large body cast. The nurses and the doctors all seemed to believe my dad, and didn't even ask me what had happened. I was in a lot of pain, and I was drugged up most of the time. I remember drifts of people coming in and out.

I sigh, softly. It was after that I had learned that I had to do everything humanly possible, to try to do what my father wanted me to. And for some reason after that it seemed my father never beat any of us. He just became better at the verbal abuse. He said later on in a sober moment that I had almost died, and if I hadn't jumped on his back, he feared he would have done something to my mother. He told me he had always been taught not to hit women, and that he feared that if I hadn't jumped on his back, he would have done something to mom, to cause Nora to die.

I look into the mirror sometimes now, and I don't know who I am. I am this poster boy for what he wants to be. His anger is still there, and at times I fear it is my anger. Fucking hell, I drew a gun on Pacey again, what the hell was I thinking. Pacey probably thinks I am crazy, or bitter, or something.

I turn and walk off the dock, and start my way to the childhood house I hate. It is my own fault. Pacey, Gretchen, Nora, and Kerry will be able to forge their own ways in life. Especially since dad has decided that he wouldn't ever take his anger out on his family. For 17 years, he hasn't taken it out on any of us, just on the perps we arrest. Sometimes I feel bad, because I would trade 17 years of being my own self, for the non abuse. But I guess then, I wouldn't be here right now. So, I guess in the end I will always lose, and dad will always win, since this is my punishment to be boxed in to something that I hate.


End file.
